Clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy

It's no secret that cleaning up with kids is like herding cats.  But that's not my main problem.  The straightening up, the tidying, the putting away toys - I've got that.  For a long time, I've been of the mindset that when a child gets out a particular toy (Legos, Barbies, especially anything with small parts), it gets put away when he or she is done playing with it.  Even the baby toys get put away at least at the end of the day.  Early on in my parenting adventure, I realized that I cannot start the day at a deficit.  What that means is that every night, things have to be back at what I call "par" levels.  No dishes in the sink, toys picked up, clutter put away.  As moms, our days are long enough and busy enough; who wants to start the day with a house that's already a mess?  Fortunately, I have a husband and kids who (although maybe begrudgingly?) are on board with that philosophy and pitch in.  So most nights I can go to bed feeling pretty OK with the fact that someone could pop in for coffee and I wouldn't be mortified.  (Oh how my standards have changed.  I used to want a clean house, now I just don't want to be mortified.  Sigh.)

So I had a grasp on the picking up part, but the actual cleaning part was seriously making me crazy.  Capital "C" crazy.  Kids (and husbands) don't understand that "picked up" is not necessarily CLEAN.  How do they not see a big smudge of peanut butter on the counter that, inevitably, I am going to place some important paper on!?  Why does someone spill the stickiest thing possible on a floor I've just finished mopping 30 seconds before? Or what about those fresh fingerprints and lip prints all over a clean window.  I was getting so frustrated at these stupid little things.  And actually yelling at my kids.  And I would go to bed at night, stressed out about all the stuff I didn't do. 

Do other people beat themselves up because they didn't get to the vacuuming, or because another day went by without the guest bathroom being cleaned or the living room dusted?  Well, I was.  At one point last year (*true confession time*), I even hired someone to come and clean the 4 bathrooms every other week and mop the wood floors, just so I could have the peace of mind knowing at least it was getting done every 2 weeks.  But even that didn't solve the problem because then I would start fretting about something else I didn't get done.  Of course my loving husband was constantly telling me to stop focusing on what I didn't do, and focus on all the things I did do.  But I wouldn't listen and kept beating myself up because my house was never perfect. 

So... given my aforementioned neurosis, you can imagine my apprehension about starting homeschooling - less time to get all the things done I thought I had to do, more things to actually do, and more people at home every day making messes.  But you know what?  I totally needed the reality check.  Yet another example of how, through homeschooling, my kids are actually teaching me.  I realized how much they need me to be present to them, and how much they appreciate me spending time with them and helping them.  And guess what - they couldn't care less if the kitchen floor is (or, rather, isn't) swept after every meal. 

The other thing is that I had been totally underestimating the types of jobs my kids could do.  As soon as I had them take on some of the cleaning jobs I had been doing, I learned two things.  First, they could do it.  Is it done the same as when I do it?  No.  But is it done better than if I fret and fret and never actually get to it?  You bet.  And that is the second thing I learned - that the pressure was off me.  As long as I knew the dusting was getting done (even if it's by a 10 year old boy), it was something I didn't have to think about.  I could think about (and do) other things - like just be with the kids.

I'm genuinely content and truly happy to spend time with my kids, but I'm sad that I didn't realize that sooner.  Thankfully it's never too late to make changes and I guess this old dog can still learn some new tricks.  The other night after dinner and putting the baby to bed, I'm sure there was a load of laundry to start or a bathroom to clean, but I grabbed my book and curled up on the couch with 3 of the girls and their books, and we all read for an hour and a half.  Calling all mothers!!  We are never getting this time back.  Sit down and read.  Don't feel guilty about it.  Just do it, please.

So I think the motto I would like to permanently adopt, instead of the ridiculous "Cleanliness is next to godliness", is "Clean enough to be healthy, but dirty enough to be happy."  I'm not relinquishing the routine of disinfecting those doorknobs every week, but when your 8 year old sweeps the floor and your 6 year old cleans bathrooms, it is what it is.  Last I checked, the Queen of England isn't coming over with her white gloves any time soon.  But these people are here every day - and they just want a mom who does stuff with them, doesn't yell all the time, and isn't obsessed about fingerprints on stuff.


At the library, after a fun concert with face paint and ice cream.